Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
