ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
