I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
