idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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