aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
