Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize