birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
