i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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