Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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