My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Alive.
So much puke
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
