so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
