I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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