I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
