is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
