im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
