she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
