I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
