...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
