Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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