I just gift wrapped bread.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
