last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize