Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
