I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
