apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
