don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
