I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
