yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize