i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
