they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
