1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
