My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize