That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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