I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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