I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
