We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
