I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize