The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
