He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
