i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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