i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
