I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
