Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
