You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
