So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
