In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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