I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
