remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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