Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
