Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
