two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
