Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i now understand why vodka
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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