No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
