I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
