apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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