You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
