I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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