lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
