you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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