i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
