Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
