but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize