I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
