Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize