I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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