Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
