Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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