Duck Duck Cougar?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
