His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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