Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize