Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
