You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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