Those balls look pretty dangerous.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
