i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
