Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
