thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
