did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
