I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
