She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
