The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
