By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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