i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
