why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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