Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
