3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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