you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
