So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
