This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
