umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
worst night to have a conscience
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
