Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
