Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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