but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize