Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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