I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
