He uses pillows to masturbate.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
