I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm like, not good at living.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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