After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Too much gin, very little bucket
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
