I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize