I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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