Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
