and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
