um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
