dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
