I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
