bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
two words...techno handjob
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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