I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
