Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize